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Step 2 Love Series: Moving into focus and direction for a new way of loving…

Step 2 Love Series: Moving into focus and direction for a new way of loving…

Love Series: Self Love & Self Care

Love series

In the first step of the love series, we covered positive self talk and not being too hard on your own self. If you have been working on this, you will have noticed a shift within you and your experiences may have started to change. It is difficult to actually tell you how this will, or should be for you, as we are all individuals when we start this process our inner experience is unique.

It is this unique capability that will support you throughout your work in inner healing and self love and care. As you become proficient and undertake more of the exercises you will create a new you.

One of the amazing truths that the human family talks less about is our innate individuality. Instead we are pulled into a vision that is more about the group, what everyone else is doing than our own aspect. Although this seems correct, as everyone else is doing it, they can’t be wrong, right? There is a slight over sight with the idea.

In order to be the whole of who you came to this world to be, you need to first anchor you in this world. You need to first know you and care about you. This then creates a collective that works with the individual brilliance of each human person. It ought to help to release chaos and dis-connect because through love you are connected to the whole source of your self.

It is the ultimate goal of inner love and if your quest is to cultivate this then you will be more able to give to this world. You will be more at peace with yourself and able to function at a higher level. It seems simple when I type it here like this. However, remember that years of doing things a different way, will mean that you will be on a journey, of sorts.

I call it a journey because in my experience that is what it is. Now there are ways to do this quickly and to put all the building blocks in place and just be there. I will be teaching this in my workshops that I will run in the future. Yet, for me the paths were a stop and smell the flowers event, which I have loved. Either method has its merit and whichever method works for you, is the one to take.

The main idea of this is that you get to know what you want, this is self love. You listen to your own voice and you do it your way.

The reason that we need others to help us sometimes is because they have experienced it, they have walked the steps and they can show the way. Your paths will be different even with them showing you, due to the simple fact that we all see the world differently and therefore even if we do the same thing, we are going to experience it in a new way.

When you are not looking after yourself, creating care in your life and being self loving, your major life areas will suffer. Once you tap into this, you can create even more change in your life in such a simple way. In fact when you know what is missing it is like getting that last piece back in the jigsaw. That really is all it is, it’s the missing pieces, when you know what they are, all will be well.

The only reason that we struggle with it so much is because we are trained from a very early age that when we look after ourselves ‘first’ we are being unloving. The message that is spread is that we ought to be selfless, put others first and make them happy and then we will be happy. This is the missing piece. It is striving to find something that we already have within us.

It is why we are forever searching for that elusive happiness. Of course, it’s elusive because we have been trained to do without it. If you are constantly making others the centre of your world, there will be no space for you.

It is a tough one sometimes because we put the ideas for this in place when we are very young and it can take some soul searching to find the attitudes values, beliefs and systems that do not work for us. Be sure, however that once you find them and work on healing, you will find it gets easier and easier.

Caveat: Remember, that when we do this work the change that transpires can be strange, you will come face to face with a whole new you and this can be disconcerting. It is often why people who are on the brink of change fall back to the old way of doing things, because taking care of ourselves and loving self is such an alien concept. Just remember that what you will find on the other side, will make it worth it… Love to you xxxXx

Our essential nature is happy, our essential nature cares about ourselves and once it has done this, it helps others. When we are busy helping others and putting ourselves second we put phenomenal stress on our bodies and our adrenal glands* which means that we often create fatigue and illness within ourselves.

Due to the training that the human family levels out at us, we are forced to unlearn a lot of what we have been taught, if we are even to touch on what real inner love is. This in itself can be a huge stumbling block to even starting the process of inner healing that we all so richly deserve.

In order to heal we start with how we talk to ourselves and others – I wrote about this in how to ignite the process of positive self talk.

To move forward onto the next step, it is an idea to look at your life areas (there is a list of life areas in this article.)

Maybe financial issues is your out of wack area, how much love goes into this area of your life. Abundance issues relate to receivership, money, status and being able to have it all. It can be tough because most of us are functioning from scripts that are outmoded.

The fact is that generational patterning gets passed down and the only way that the human family will really evolve is by giving in to the need for change. When we get in touch with our inner knowing we are presented with all the answers that we need in order to create the life that we deserve.

This is tricky because humans are so trapped in a cycle of thoughts and beliefs that often limit and curb our greatness. The answer to clearing these thoughts and limitations is self love.

It is a healing methodology that will super earth you and super charge your life. When you re-program the beliefs that you are functioning from you are more able to create lasting change that will elevate your life to a new way of being.

The reason that we find it so hard is because we all have a pain body, this will come from experiences and hurts that we have had to deal with in our lives. This pain body can stop us from living our best life because we do not believe that we are worthy.

The problem is that the thoughts and beliefs become a part of our inner working and we do not realise that we are being driven by attitudes and behaviours that are no good for us. I have talked about this before in an earlier Love Series article.

I am revisiting this because it is important to know that all your life areas can be affected by your inner pain body and the beliefs that you are functioning from.

When we recognise this as being the case, we are more able to change the way that we behave and the views that we carry. This is not a quick thing, although I have heard a few spiritual voices say that we can clear this stuff in a very fast way if we want to.

Okay, I will go with that. It’s your choice, which route you want to take. For me the path that I take is melodic because I am loving the ride. I am taking in the views and changing who I am in a new way that doesn’t expect me to just drop my previous inner workings. I am integrating my experience to ensure that I keep what I want and release that which I no longer need in a way that is cohesive for me and does not shock my system.

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”. Albert Einstein…

I love this quote because it really speaks to self love, if you do the same thing over and over again it is not just insanity, it is also a very unloving stance to take with the self. When things are not working in your life are you able to see where you contribute? Are you able to make the changes necessary so that you no longer have to have that experience again? If not, you will keep experiencing the same thing over and over again, just like the quote says…

Now this is where self love comes in. When you are able to see where you are repeating the same old pattern. Love denotes that you change your response to it. When we are able to change our response to the experiences in our life that causes us distress, disconnect, pain, anger, hurt we rewire our experience. We change the script that we are functioning from.

I wrote about the life areas in get set to re-write your life story, when we are not healing ourselves we can struggle to create the tuning that we need to have an abundant life.

Love Relationship



Self care






Peace of mind


Life Purpose

When we nurture all of these areas or at least most of them we are able to create phenomenal change within our own lives.

In order to do this, to make the changes in our life areas, we need to look at the programming that we are carrying around with us. Yup, I said programming. Did you know that you will have a set of beliefs that over arch all the behaviours, thoughts and ways that you behave. Think of them as a kind of road map, they dictate how your life is going to be.

If you really want to make changes in your life, you need to look at what you believe. Truly look at your thoughts, values and beliefs, not cursorily mind, really look at these areas. Really stick your thoughts under a microscope and clear away the thoughts, feelings and beliefs that:

  • do not serve you

  • belong to someone else

  • that you plain don’t like

  • that box you in

  • that make you into the type of person that you do not want to be

  • That have you doing what everyone else does - even though you would rather do another way.

In the scheme of life it is easy to get caught up in the way that we have always behaved. I for one am a prime example, when I was little my dad always told me that I was stubborn and I have realised recently that I went to the moon and back to ensure that I was stubborn. If he thought that is what I was, then that is what he would get. So by calling me stubborn he created the stubborn in me.

I no longer align myself with that word, because who cares if someone wants to hold their position, if it is not harming anyone else, then so be it. Being stubborn, bossy, independant, that's the choice of each individual. Not anyone else. As I say, so long as you're not harming anyone...

So we are at the point in the love series where we are going to start looking at programming. To me these are the beliefs that you are functioning from that are no longer in alignment with who you are.

To start to make the changes in your life, I would recommend that you undertake the exercise in the blog Get set to re-write your life story

When you have completed this exercise and worked out the areas in your life that need attention, pick two or three areas to work on this year. I would pick the areas that have the lowest percentage score.

Nurture these areas – so for example if you pick … Friendship. Create opportunity in your life to connect to your friends and make time for yourself to share with them. If you want new friends, join new clubs or go to meet ups. Fill your diary with events that has you nurturing this sector of your life.

When it comes to inner healing and love within the life areas, it does take a bit more than just connecting and sharing. However this is a start and in the future I will be sharing with you how to actually deal with the inner love issues that come up for each one of the life areas and look at programming and beliefs in more detail too.

For now nurturing and healing the areas is a beginning step. This step; is about knowing what you want in your life, what do you want from these friendships? Why was your score so low? What was not happening, that you would like to happen?

Answer the important questions, so that you can create change in the areas that you are working on. Remember that this is an important step within inner love because it encourages you and supports you in listening to yourself and your own wants and desires.

What are your beliefs to do with friendship? Do you feel that people like you? Do you feel that your friends are not contributing to your life in the way that you would like? Are there parts of your belief (this is your programming) that you could change?

The questions about how you look at these relationships will help you to heal this area in your life. Get creative with your questions and what you want to get out of the relationships. You could also use this creativity to embrace new experiences and new opportunity for change.

The questions are a starting point, they will help you to make the changes. You can create questions for all the areas. The questions can be re-worded so that you can frame them in the context of the area that you are up levelling.

When we have areas in our life that are out of alignment, it usually boils down to programming that we lodged in early childhood. Beliefs that said noone wants to be my friend, or I have a few good friends etc etc. I am sure you get my drift. The trick is to change the belief, to re-wire your thinking.

It really is worth starting this process of healing. The good thing is that once we start the process to working on ourselves, there really is no way that we will unlearn what we have learnt. It will be with us throughout our life; it will inform our decisions our choices and the way we live.

The best part of this is that all the learning and changes come from our own internal navigation system we are able to function in a more loving way. We may get some sign posts here and there from people who can help. However, the truth is and always will be, you know what is good for you. You know where you need to go and you know what is going on in your life.

To this end there is the theory, especially if you are anything like me and you think that help is not necessary. Sometimes a book, a course, a workshop, a different perspective can help to create the light bulb moment that you have been looking for.

The one truth that does prevail is that your inner messenger has all the answers and this includes the answers to why there are areas of your life that are out of balance. Of course sometimes this can be simple and it is very clear why there is an imbalance, however at other times the imbalance can be elusive…

Keep working at finding the inner part of you and healing your life areas that are most important to you. Once you have done this it will mean that you are more able to incorporate self love into your daily life. It will mean that you are more able to change the way that you create your life and live your life.

The next part of the steps will be coming soon, you will learn to refine your life areas and deal with inner programming to create inner love and peace that will help you to create a more harmonious you…

All the love to you all…

Lots love Me


* the adrenal glands are vital to your health and wellbeing…they play a huge role in producing the hormones we need particularly in times of stress. (from

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