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Am I there yet??? Feeling as if you just can't make it...

Loving the journey

Destination self love self care system

From early childhood, we are kind of trained with the idea that life has a destination …

"Success is not a destination, but the road that you are on..."

Marlon Wayans

A destination pertains to something, having something, doing something or becoming someone. It's not to say, don’t have a destination in mind, however sometimes we become so attached to an outcome that we miss the journey.

This week I have been thinking about this, after all there is no real destination in life. Wayan's words make me think that I may have been missing something.

In life there is always constant movement and even when we have reached a set point, something new opens up and we start to experience something different.

In my mind, I have re-defined the journey, noticing how it opens us up to exploration, creating the space and time for us to look at where we are going and to make clear choices. When I look back I can see that there were times when I was so doggedly pursuing something or other that I did not tap into signs. These signs were showing me, that the particular thing that I had in mind was not going to work for me.

Instead I usually discovered this fact, when the situation became untenable and I could no longer stay in it. Therefore to my mind if we pause and stay present when we are moving in a new direction we will be able to clearly know when we are pursuing something that is not going to turn out well for us.

Now I am the kind of person that usually says that experience is everything, and the way that we grow and learn from the experience is what makes us who we are. However, when something is really not working, why is there sometimes the tendency to cling to it for dear life hoping that it will somehow change, get better and all will be well.

Guess my old relationship was like that, in the past I was always sold on the house, the kids, the guy and all the trappings. When I look back at it now I can see that if I had been appreciating my life and noticing what was happening I would have seen the red flags earlier. I would have nurtured my own needs. Instead I was trapped in the destination, trapped in getting to that elusive place.

Not appreciating the journey reminds me of my first blog 'enough', where I questioned my own belief re: being enough. I spoke about constantly striving, it is this striving that can make it tough to smell the flowers on the way and appreciate the beauty of the journey. It’s like being on a train and staring at the phone as opposed to appreciating the scenery that is passing by.

However if we are hell bent on a specific destination, we will miss the opportunities. It means missing the real gold, the message, the key that maybe if we stepped slightly to the left we might see all that has been happening through a new life lens.

I love the idea of a new life lens being just a step to the side of me, it makes the prospect of change, the offering of new direction seem doable and possible and creates a whole new way of looking at the world for me.

I like that sometimes it might be worth deviating a little, or just not having any real destination in mind. Please note that I am not talking here about directionless, aimless living that has no purpose. I am talking about allowing moments of time within our lives to be areas where we leave the door open and give into the possibility of more.

I would have thought that directionless could be viewed in the same way as striving for something that does not happen for us, no matter how hard we apply ourselves. The truth is that experiences call to us to check on where we are going and to take stock. It does this so that we can move in the direction that is effortless for us and reaps fantastic results.

There were so many times in my life where the destination was the main focus. I was at University training and I was applying for jobs at the same time. There was no time to stop, to check in with myself, or to ask myself what I wanted.

Without even having to do much I was called for a job interview. In truth had I been appreciating the journey and checking in with myself I would have known that the job offer was no good for me. I would have known that travelling into work for two hours in the morning, then two hours back was not a fantastic option.

Finally I had to throw in the towel because I was exhausted. I truly believe that if I had been paying attention, I would have realised sooner that the scenario was not sustainable in the long run.

“One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of looking at things”

Henry Miller

This quote says it all, when we realise that there is no destination, I think that life can take on a new feeling. The realisation can dawn that we are just growing through experience, we are just feeling into a new ways of being, each and everyday.

A new way of being is to know that each step, is just a step, each move not a direction, but a swing into a new understanding of self. Yes, of course this might be a real physical move, or doing a course, or going on a holiday, or leaving something behind. Yet, there is no real destination in any of this, there is just constant forward movement. It might mean that you get to a certain place, but as there will be more movement after that, how can we really see it as a culmination. I am using this term interchangeably here as I know that some things will end.

As I am the love person, I do believe that this is another way to cultivate deep inner love. It stops us from having to be perfection, from being measured, or directed or told how things should be and opens the door to the infinite possibilities that are out there.

To me it’s linked to mindfulness, it’s absorbing the sense of where you are, what you are doing at all times, just being in that moment and that moment alone.

So if while I was writing this article I was constantly thinking about getting to the end of the article (or going to the shop, or whatever), I would probably miss the point that I am trying to make, or write about things that have nothing to do with what I am trying to say. Instead when I am really in the process, I am engaging with the words. I am feeling the way that the keys feel under my fingers, I can hear my thoughts just before I type them. I am also aware that outside the light is fading, that it is pouring down with rain and looks really miserable. Although I feel fabulous and cosy sitting where I am typing away.

Yes, and now that I have shared, I understand. Loving the journey is so important because it re-wires us. If we are not aware of what we are doing, while it is taking place we may get ten years down the line and lament that if only we had known x,y,z then a,b,c would not have happened.

I would wager that when we are taking the time to be in the journey, to know that there is a destination, that we are not ensnared by, we will feel more content. We create a chance to not only adjust the journey if necessary, but to out and out change direction if we want to.

This article started out as an article about banjo’s … Of course I jest, but it illustrates my point. There are no hard and fast rules and really being in the journey is the key to truly having a life that is full of opportunity and direction. A life that does not just go with the flow, not that this is a bad thing per se, however just doing what everyone else does, may not create the life that you crave.

When we appreciate the journey and really give into the life that we are living, we are able to take our life anywhere. It is possible for change. Of course all of this is only possible if we trust in the process, realising that the journey is our mapping system and it does not necessarily lead to the destination that we have in mind.

It’s about being aware that sometimes the destinations that we put in place stop us from going where we really want to go, or where we really need to go. The key is to be in all our moments, checking in at all times, with each step. It is the steps that are the road signs, this is why we make less errors when we connect to our movement and pathway.

Yet, it is pure knowing that will help us to have the life that we really want and live a life of pure possibility. When we stop to smell the roses, look around, charge ahead less. Then we will see that the possibilities are endless and awe inspiring.

So just


Be aware

Be knowing



These states will help us to understand, they will help us to be able to see whether the outcome is truly what we want. It will also stop the incessant wonder of how to get there, if we have a goal or outcome and we are struggling with manifesting it into our life. We will not be thinking of the how or when even, we will just be moving forward fearlessly in tune with what feels good for us.

The process is very important guiding system. When we tap into this guidance, new doors open. It’s the journey that is the ultimate sign post. If it seems like a struggle or an uphill battle, know that it is good because it is calling on us to look at what is happening and to question whether it the right choice.

When you learn, you grow, when you grow, you are more able and more likely to expand your comfort zone and your life.

So just keep with it, trust in the process and know that there is always a reason that the journey presents itself in the the way that it does.

Finally being in each moment offers new knowledge, it shows us how our world has changed, because we remained aware and focussed.

If you are trapped in the wondering when you will get there cycle...

If something is taking longer than you anticipated, take some time to pause and ask yourself what you want. Explore what you feel, what is the journey showing you? What are you currently experiencing? How can you use this to help you?

Be honest if it feels wrong, is it time to step off, re-focus and try something new. Or do things another way?

Reflect on the why you are doing it - maybe jot it down, so that it helps you to focus.

All the love, folks xxxxXx

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