Stop: Giving away your Power ...
We are limitless, infinite possibilities …
It is easier to give our Power away than we realise. We all give it away to a certain degree at some point in our lives. The problem is most of us are not really aware of this power, we don’t know what it is and no one told us about it when we were younger. Cue: A lack of strength in keeping our power to ourselves.
The truth is that giving our Power away is counter-productive and it stops us from moving forward into new thought processes. It also shows, that we have not learnt to love and care about ourselves.
It is important to understand how we give our Power away, how the behaviours that we employ do not serve us. Once we have this knowledge we can take our Power back, or at least not give it away anymore. Giving Power away takes the form of behaviours that we have employed since we were children to keep us safe. This could be people pleasing, playing the superhero/human - doing everything on our own, martyr syndrome and perfectionism. There are other behaviours, however these are the base methods that we use.
People Pleasing
Saying yes when you mean no, making choices that will make others happy as opposed to making you happy. Doing whatever anyone else asks you.
Playing the superhero
Yup, this one means that you can do it all on your own and that you don’t need anyone else’s help. You play the superhero – while internally wishing someone would help you. It is linked to people pleasing and it is not good for you.
Martyr Complex
This one is tricky, you may display it if you have low self-esteem, you will have trouble saying no. Yet, you will feel that this makes you 'better' somehow, regardless of whether you want to do the task or not (you will complain about it though.) The sad part of it is, that you are giving away your power when you fall into this behaviour pattern.
Perfectionism
When you are trapped in the position of aiming to get something perfect you are not using your power in a good way and this in itself creates another state of power imbalance.
The problem is that most of us do not recognise when we are doing these things. We are unable to see the behaviours that we employ which create a power imbalance. The reason that we don’t see it, is because it has become a patterning, a way of being for us. These patterning structures are learned when we are younger, they are our protection mechanism. This protection should not be functional anymore because it was designed for a non adult. We tend to put these protections in place around 3 – 7 years old.
When our life feels out of whack it is usually a sign that there may be a Power imbalance. Yet, we are not always equipped to see how we have created this.
In order to rationalise we blame others, our situation, the flat, the house, just anything else that removes the onus from the self, but in reality the behaviour is held within.
Examples of giving our Power Away:
1. You have an argument with your partner/spouse. You are upset, you feel justified in saying that they made you upset, they ruined your day, etc, etc. Well the truth is that in this situation you are giving your Power away. No individual can make you feel any particular way, if you are feeling something it is because there is an issue within yourself that needs to be healed. If you continue to make it about the other person the pain will always come up for you and you will not move forward. If on the other hand you see that you are giving your Power away and change your behaviour accordingly you will see how much better you feel.
Tip: Whenever someone upsets you, it is actually you who has upset you and if you choose to blame them, then you are giving your power away.
Remember: It can be tough to change these behaviour patterns because society teaches that it is acceptable to look for who caused a thing… When it comes to feelings you have to take responsibility for yourself.
2. You are asked to help a friend to clean her house. You say yes, however after this every time you talk about it you complain that she should not have made you do this. You could have been doing something else and that it’s all her fault. This is giving your power away, you said yes. If you had wanted to say no you should have said no. This is people pleasing/martyr complex and we are all prone to this sometimes. I counsel you to ask yourself whether you really want to do the activity and if you don't want to do it, cancel it. Give yourself time to make decisions and if you say yes to something, live with it and be happy with the decision that you made. When we are comfortable with our decisions we stay within our Power.
Tip: Whenever you have a decision to make, give yourself time to ask yourself if you want to do the thing that you have been asked. If you do not want to do it, say no, if you do want to do it, do it with love and enjoy the time that you spend doing it. Otherwise remember that there is no reason to feel guilty about a choice that you make that is in your own best interest.
Remember: you hold the reigns to your life, if you let others decide for you then it will not be your life.
3. The other night I had friends over. I was really tired and I wanted to go to sleep, however I ignored this and when they all said just a little while longer I agreed despite the fact that I knew that I should not have. I realise now this was giving my power away. I wanted to go to sleep and so did my body. It was not anyone's fault that I stayed up.
Tip: If you or your body needs something honour it. Honour thyself for it is a great way of holding your power within.
Remember: You are the only person that is responsible for you and no other, therefore all your decisions, reactions etc originate from you. Make them good and make them count.
When you take responsibility for the decisions that you make, you will create better boundaries. Boundaries are important and they will help you to keep our power base. Be your own champion and advise yourself the way that you would a good friend. You'll probably be shocked if you really hear the way that you talk to yourself, therefore make sure that you talk to yourself with love and understanding and make all of your decisions originate from 'you' as opposed to from someone else…
It’s never to late to take back your Power
When you make decisions for yourself and do things for you, whether it upsets people or not you are living with love and care for self. This is the ultimate goal. Giving your Power away is destructive and it will stop you from living a great life...
The Self Love & Care System teaches how to love and self care, if you're interested... Join me ...
