How to ignite the process of positive self talk - Love series blog quickie ...
The Love Series - Blog Quickie
Last week I outlined kick starting the inner healing process to love. This week is about setting the wheels in motion.
Now I am not going to lie to you this is very deep work it takes soul searching, reflection and deep inner understanding. The method is slow burn, because working alone requires you to be gentle with your body & mind. When you take it slowly, it is easier to integrate and helps to create new neural pathways to change.
If you do need help please don't hesitate in either e-mailing me or fb messaging me theselfloveselfcaresystem.com or /lifecatalystcoach. Or book one of my free 30 minute sessions, we can carry it out via skype, phone or in person.
To start the ball rolling you are going to nurture yourself. Each step that you take can promote deeper knowledge of the way you behave towards self.
Remember: No one said the road to love would be easy! Just know that you have got this, you can do it.
Okay so your beginning steps ...
Self talk - this is an ongoing process and is something that you will be working on for a while. It does take time. However, with commitment you will start to see the results... This is one of the main steps to healing inner self to create love.
You need to be able to catch yourself when you say inappropriate things to self. This takes practice. Once you've got it though you can keep repeating it.
1. First you need to find where you're being hard on yourself - what are your expectations with regard to work, family, relationships, self Pick one area to focus on to start the process.
2. Also watch where you say inappropriate, harsh, brash, hurtful things to others - because this will give you a clue on the way that you self-talk. For this to work you have to be honest. Notice the reaction of the other person if you're not sure.
2. The end of day reflection - jot down where you were hard on yourself & others. You don't have to write it down, if you don't want to, you can internally talk to yourself in a way that promotes reflection.
3. Next say you or someone else is working on something and you/they get it wrong, see if you can catch what you say to yourself or the other person. Scribble it down - if you can .
4. When you're writing the end of day reflection I want you to go back to that scribble and re-phrase it - say you said you/they were rubbish or stupid or whatever. I want you to honestly talk to yourself. No one is really rubbish or stupid - okay, this is the bottom line. Yep, people sometimes find themselves in positions that are overwhelming, but if they are there, there will always be a way to cope with it, or learn from it.
5. Now re-write a positive outcome to that situation - such as I did the best I knew how. They did the best they knew how.
6. This needs to become part of your response to self. So keep this up for 21 days. Checking the way that you talk to others and the way that you talk to self. Anything negative needs to be re-worded - it does not have to be positive per se, however it needs to be neutral, lacking in blame, not personal, no insults e.g I'm stupid, stick to the facts where you can with self and others, etc.
Talk to yourself each and everyday with compassion and patience.
We are often critical of other's in the areas where we are harsh to self, it's called the mirror reflection*. If you can notice your own reaction to self and others and be more gentle, you will find that your inner capacity to create harmony will become easier. This also applies to where we are rigid in the way that we do things, that affects others and ourself.**
Once you start to notice where you talk to yourself critically or others, it's time to start enacting patience, calm and soothing self talk.
Treat yourself the way you would a child that is still learning, with love and compassion. (I don't want to hear, I'm an adult though I should know better!!! - why should you know better? You are human and you are allowed to get it wrong, you are allowed to say I don't understand this.)
We are over critical when we reach adulthood because we have been trained to believe that we should know better (fair enough with some things.) Yet, we don't know everything and that is okay, you are entitled to keep learning and making mistakes.
Being critical to self or others in this regard is counterproductive because it will keep you/ or them perpetuating the same errors.
Be Loving and Compassionate to self.
By the way it's really worth the effort & your life could change phenomenally...
Lots love xxxXx
* more about this later...
**I will come back to this, it's a topic in it's own right.