Step 1 to kick starting the inner healing process to love...
‘Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.’ Rumi …
The Love Series
We are often looking for love outside of ourselves, yet that is not where it is…
Love is that ever present feeling that we wonder about, in fact we may even question it. The real feeling of love is something different to what we may think and it’s hard to define because we all understand love in a different way.
Most of the time when we talk about love we link it to our partnerships, our children and our families. Love is more; Love is the all encompassing you. It is what you show the world. The better you are at this, the more love you will feel from the world.
Love is not experienced through control, or if you love me you will do this. It is experienced through the perspective of high level forgiveness energy, from neutrality, from vulnerability and from not being afraid to be hurt. There is no perfection necessary in this either, we are all human.
Often times the way we love comes from our family model – whatever structure you had modelled to you, will be the one that you go out into the world with. It is not wrong as such, it is just that sometimes the messages that we had are locked in outdated thinking about what love means. Also our love understanding may clash with other people’s methodology of what love means.
We might think that we are expressing love in healthy ways when we are not. Love can create walls, it can make us scared, it can enact our fear body and it can tumble if we have not worked on our own cellular healing. There is no good or bad in this, or right and wrong, there just is. Learning the way that you express love will help you to give and receive love in equal measure (more or less.)
If you fall into defensive states, (these are states when it is hard to be love) that’s okay. We can’t be nice all the time, if you’re great and loving most of the time that’s the aim. Please note that this means we make peace with our destructive patterning. You might want to find ways to deal with these emotions. I like to dance around to angry music – it works. Whatever works for you, find it and do it. Just be aware it is an emotion, if it comes up for you, it comes up for you. Trust it, live it and let it go. If you need professional help go and see someone.*
Remember that it is not possible to stay in happy states all the time, or content spaces and it is unhealthy to expect that from others or yourself. It’s not possible because we are wired to experience fight, flight or freeze. Your defensive state will normally bring up one of the three f’s !!! Just let yourself get down from the state in a healthy way and then re-attune.
Back to love
Real love comes from the space where you offer it and you are not expecting anything in return. Parents/grandparents get the closest to this – however, even here walls can go up. We believe that love has rules and regulations. We give our love to the people who make us feel the best about ourselves, or the worst about ourselves in some cases. It may be the type of love that is stuck in a low vibration because it expects something in return. By the nature of the need for a return, this is want.
This is a version of love, but real love gives to all and does not discriminate or attach itself to an outcome (remember; you will only be able to be in this position once you have worked on your internal pain.) Real love also recognises that when someone is not making you feel good about yourself they are triggering a past hurt that you have not healed.
The ultimate drive to love, is the understanding of what it really is for you, what it means, how it feels? How are you with yourself; how do you treat yourself. The harsher you are with yourself, the trickier it is to have pure access to love connections that are not tangled in your pain body. The pain body is the part of yourself where you store past hurts from childhood and your teenage years, from when you thought that you were not being loved.
Note that there will be experiences that you had when you were younger where you put in place beliefs that make it harder to love. You will need to heal these areas within you in order to move into love that is not dysfunctional for you.
Please be aware that it is necessary to put these structures in place for core development in childhood in order to cope with the world. However, as we get older this becomes a limitation to love and will keep on triggering past hurt. If you do not take responsibility for the part that you play in this experience, it will keep repeating.
The first step is to cultivate love within self, love and care for self. There is a message out there that we can sidestep this process by believing in something bigger than ourselves. However, this is mis-leading because we have free will. Fill your own cup first and then you can help others. Without this step happening, love does not have a strong foundation to build on.
Your first step is going to be as easy or as tough as you make it. You are already pure love, that is a given. It is just your behaviours, beliefs and position which can infringe on your ability to lead from the core essence of love. It gets dulled and tricky because of attachment to opinions, drives and motivations that you’ve cultivated.
The bottom line here – no other can make you feel okay – that is your job completely and utterly. It is your job to create love within yourself. Once you do this, you will notice that the world changes around you as a response to this. Now there will still be times when you are working on this where you feel, but they are so mean and I don’t like it. That’s fine so long as you get back up again and stay committed to the fact that you want to experience and be loving.
No one is saying this is easy, however it is worth it. You are worth it, okay? Please remember that you are brilliant and fantastic and unique. The world needs the love that you have locked within you; it will link to all the other love in the world. Science supports that we are vibration energy and we affect what we come into contact with.
So let’s make it good…
You need to recognise and work on how you talk to yourself – are you loving and gentle or harsh and critical? If you are loving and gentle yaaaay, if you are critical, it’s time to start being nice to you. This will feel weird at first, however as time goes it will become second nature. When you catch yourself saying something mean, correct it, apologise to yourself and replace it with a loving comment.
It will start off slowly and as you become more and more aligned with love you will find that you fall less and less into your pain speech or pain body. Be gentle and allow yourself to understand that this is a journey, it will take whatever time it wants.
Be warm with yourself if you think you could do better, what’s better anyway? It is just nonsense!! If you are having a go and making the changes and caring about you, then you are doing well, right?
Once you do this and you become love, you will not need validation you will be able to be strong and in your power most of the time.
Now a tiny caveat: Over giving love, being where you do not need to be and pushing your love onto others is no better than closing off.
Giving yourself love is the ultimate goal here. It is the core central system of what will light you up. The spaces in your life that give you the most pain are the areas where you need to draw love into your experience. I will show you how to do this in a later article.
The train your on is about understanding the complete you and what self love system you function from. How you express it, what’s works for you. Once you have worked on yourself – you can move onto healing the relationships with your friends and family, acquaintances and your colleagues, your challenges, your situations. Love is about everything we do and everyone we meet, it is about all of your experiences light or dark. Eventually you will move onto your partnership, although you will find that the work that you are doing on self will heal relationships simultaneously.**
The ultimate love is when we take care of ourselves and love the self. It is ultimate because it enables us to give to others in a very pure way. Want to see it in action check out the majority of children under the age of three. They are still in this energy and they are little beacons of insurmountable pure love energy.
Another Caveat: This is an important one, your parents, your uncles your teachers, your boss, your mates, your sponsor oh whoever. None of these people can take credit for your pain body. Even if they are still in your life and you are a grown up, they can not take credit for your pain body. I’m sorry, they can’t.
I know we want to blame, I know we want to absolve responsibility for our pain. However the secret is: when you release the need to blame others, you will find that you are free.
You deserve to live in peace and harmony. The mission is to help you fly. You are loved and you are safe, always.
I repeat when you release the need to blame others, you will be free to fly and be who you truly are.
There is no other that can confine you (and I am not referring to literal imprisonment here, I am talking about internal incarceration.) I know it and I understand it, because my pain body was terrible. My internal voice and incarceration of self was too tough. It meant I could not breathe, it meant I could not love, it boxed me in. I have experienced this and I get it. I am also on the journey to heal. I am sharing this with you because that is what love does it shares, it’s not secretive and it doesn’t hoard.
The next step will be to remove the blocks and the box, which you find yourself in…***
So start on that little internal trip of nurturing yourself when you get upset about something – this is how we love internally. It means not striving and doing and running around. It means saying I am upset about this, you’re x,y,z. However I recognise that the feeling is in me and I am going to self heal. No more looking outside yourself for this type of love.
You are love, you are eternal love and when that pain body kicks in, in the words of my other half ‘give it a good talking to,’ and in my words ‘make peace with it.’ Of course be gentle and loving with that part of yourself, it has served you well up until now. So a gentle talking to it, will work wonders …
Keep being brilliant, ever present beacons of light. My niece could teach us all a thing or two, she was so happy the other day she was just sitting there cracking up with laughter.
Remember you were once under three years old too…
So get working on talking to yourself with love and enact the first step…
All the love to you all…
*there are so many help avenues you can choose from counsellors, a coach, therapist – just get googling. Help is out there.
**I can’t do this all in writing form for you so if you want to work with me come and join the Self Love Self Care System Course. This really will help you to drop the areas in your life that no longer serve you. It will supercharge you and help you to create the necessary wiring within you to be more functional on your own level.
***coming soon :)